god, I hate everything right now.

"European and American women are too arrogant for you? Are you looking for a sweet lady that will be caring and understanding? Then you came to the right place- here you can find a Russian lady that will love you with all her heart. Can't find a queen to rule your heart? How about beautiful Russian ladies that have royal blood and royal look?"

this is what I was going to blog about,

FUCK IT, this is still what I'm going to blog about.

The train yesterday morning was 10 times more crowded than usual, I couldn't breath, there was a middle-aged korean woman's shoulders pressing into my lungs. And her butt was pressed into my right thigh. And she was very clearly pissed at me, clearly thought that I was the one making the subway packed and uncomfortable for her, must have assumed that I wanted my right thigh to be pressing into her butt. She kept wiggling her butt like a baby or a dog who wants more space on the bed, the way they shove their butts right into you.

And what were you doing? Was it because I was a stupid girl or a stupid young girl or a stupid young foreign white girl who wasn't wearing stockings that day? And what were you doing in the security room with the videos? And what are you doing, can't you see that I'm preoccupied, that I don't care if you practice your English by watching Friends in your spare time? In my spare time I wear thin, school appropriate dresses and wait for you to grope me.

You were right, @bird_esque. I didn't go to school today, I couldn't get on the subway. I called Shin-Jung, I told her the truth.

purple bite (often)

you're right, that poem did look familiar.

아파도

I quite literally spent nearly my entire weekend watching the entire season (25 episodes) of Boys Over Flowers, a Korean high school drama. I finished the last episode at about 4 am Monday morning, and there was no sex. I knew there wouldn't be any sex, there never is, but there's so much BUILD-UP, it's FRUSTRATING. There wasn't even any TONGUE.

After I finished it, I slept for just under 2 hours before getting up for work. Korean high school dramas are clearly a dangerous thing in my hands.

I am now obsessed (OBSESSED!) with one of the soundtrack songs, One More Time. This is unhealthy on all levels.

pop music profile #11

Lee Hyori makes a comeback, and she might be a CLOWN.

today gg#1 sent me a CoolMessage and it was the best message

hey!! PAMELA
this is kyounghwa
yesterday I got the hottest korean song
I heard you like korean music.
have fun!!

There were 100 K-Pop songs attached to the message. (Okay, so there were also a few Justin Bieber/Avril Lavigne songs, but there was ALSO A SNOOP DOGG SONG.)

This is the first time Im Kyung-Hwa has sent me an instant message, and I found the font and punctuation and capital letter choices fascinating. Apparently my love of K-Pop is hot news in the office, and I can't figure out why it's happening now. I've been pretty vocal about my love of Super Junior from the beginning.

1 분 vs. 1 초

Someone put their hands on my head for the first time in over a month today, and then 3 more people did the same thing with varying degrees of firmness.

Then I cried (a little, a lot), the first time I've let anyone see me cry since I got to Korea 7 1/2 months ago.

Here are the reasons I can think of for needing (wanting?) to cry in front of U Young-Hee and I So-Yeon (gg#2) so urgently:

1. after school classes making me feel worthless as a teacher again, how can I manage this new environment?

2. guilt seeping in when you tell me you miss me, sometimes I wonder if I am a bad person for finding it so easy to leave Michigan and the U.S. and you, sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who found it difficult to leave things behind

3. I've been feeling a little fragile lately, as though I've perpetually just eaten tongue (@warmandbarky)

4. it's been a long time since I cried in front of someone, maybe it was time and maybe I knew that U Young-Hee and I So-Yeon were safe people to cry in front of and also that no one would think it strange if I felt many deep emotions while their hands were on my head

the gossip girls want to climb Gwanak-san with me.

I reciprocate.

My after school class (2 hours after school on both Tuesdays and Wednesdays from now on) starts tomorrow. I finally got the attendance list today and was promptly disappointed by it. I'm disappointed in myself for that.

I'd assumed that my audience would be the really enthusiastic 2nd graders whom I've been missing these months. That's partly the case, and there's also a few really enthusiastic 1st and 3rd graders in there, of various English proficiency levels. There are a few 2nd grade faces that I'll be really happy to see again.

There are also a fair number of 2nd graders who were forced into signing up for an after school class by their homeroom teachers and who chose my class as the least of all the evils. They most likely won't be very enthusiastic.

There's also 하태원 (Ha Tae-Won). I taught him in 1st grade c-level last year; he's in 2nd grade now, still lowest level. And that's fine, I don't mean to deprecate the c-level students. And I don't actually mean to deprecate Tae-Won either. It's just that he's very hard to teach. His English level is undoubtedly the lowest of any of my students. He rarely understands directions and rarely utters an intelligible word in either English or Korean. If I ask him a question, he generally responds with an extremely quiet mumble, and most of the time I've no idea what he's saying. He's painfully shy. He always pays attention in class but doesn't usually seem to follow what's going on.

I co-taught c-level with Shin-Jung last year, and she really hated Tae-Won. I hope I will never feel that way about a student, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved when I no longer had to teach Tae-Won. I think I'd be happy to work with him one on one, but he's so hard in a classroom setting. His pace is so much slower than his classmates, and they resent him for it. If I slowed down to his pace, I would lose the attention of everyone else in the class. What to dooooooooooo.

Choi Yena is teaching him this year (in regular classes, that is). I admire the way she interacts with him. She's so patient, and she seems to be able to get through to him and understand what he is saying in a way that I couldn't. He always comes to her desk during free time to practice for his speaking test. And so I think: He really does want to learn English, much more than most of his classmates. Surely I can be patient enough to help him. Surely I can find a productive way to incorporate him into my after school class.

Gah.

Anyway.

my nails are painted approximately this shade

of orange.

My hair is slowly becoming long enough to pin back.

goddamnit,

I just agreed to climb Suri-san (the 4-peaked beast I blogged about in January) again this Sunday. At least it won't be frigid this time. Maybe there will even be flowers.

The downside is that when I climbed it before I didn't have to teach the next week, so my aching body was allowed to recuperate in the comfort of my apartment. But next week, I have to teach. I also have to climb a LOT of stairs.

Here's hoping I don't get as stiff this time around. Here's hoping I eat another pupa.

you know, I've always hated april fool's day.

1. new Korean English teacher at school. I HOPE SHE'S COOL

2. I AM A LAMINATING MACHINE

3. health, happiness, joy (a butterfly). It's like you have all four seasons on your pencil case.

4. STRAWBERRIES, prune tea

5. teacher. TEACHER. I LOVE YOU.

6. I LOVE CHOCOLATE.

7. GIVE ME CHOCOLATE.

8. no. NO. we're taking a fucking speaking test.