대한민국, fighting!

I haven't cared this much about soccer since 7th grade at Excel Charter Academy, but damnit, I want Korea to WIN.

aigoo, you worked hard.

1. carve your name and the name of your village into the wall you have built, so that if it falls down we will be able to hold you accountable.

2. bow 108 times when you wake and 108 times before you go to bed. On Saturday, bow 3000 times.

3. climb the mountain. Do the hard thing.

4. do not take a picture.

5. hold my hand platonically. I will not know you are my friend if you do not caress me.

6. let's do it together. Let's take a picture.

and then he told me I was a god

6 Feb. 2010

I've been dreading this movement but now I am moving (because it is time to move) and it feels like coming home a little, somewhere along the line airports ceased to be confusing and unknown places and became something like my comfort zone. Once more I am not searched at customs, though I have a shaving razor in my carry-on and I'm carrying several hundred dollars of converted currency that I was really supposed to report. #privatemeat is a cheese "whopper" in the lounge outside customs, I guess I eat cheeseburgers now

if I still have enough ₩ for wine. On the bus from Seoul I teared up briefly - it felt like I was leaving Korea - I am leaving Korea. Passport control asked me if I was coming back to Korea and I said yes - that's true, and I'm positive I projected the vulnerability in her tone. How strange that there is even the option to not come back but outside of my job there is nothing really to hold me here and I don't know why I am cleaving so tightly to Korea when it was so easy to leave Michigan.

15 Feb. 2010

They'll serve my cappuccino after I finish my panqueque 55, they don't drink coffee with food here. Korea doesn't drink any beverages with food, unless it's alcohol (I'm thinking about Korea a lot here). I've only just found out that Argentina is usually considered a third-world country, I'm not even sure what that means. The fact of my American privilege more obvious than it has ever been before (more obvious than in Korea? where I am given a job only for speaking English, where even the oldest person at the table sometimes treats me as the honored guest. I have things these people do not have and have no expectation of ever having. (Not all of the people, I mean, I don't know what I mean.

16 Feb. 2010

("Oh! Girls from Michigan are beautiful!") I imagine that everyone who sees me and Audra together here forms the assumption that all girls in Michigan don't shave their armpit hair. I finally managed to keep my eyes closed the whole time with two of the leaders, maybe I didn't even want to open them

Told me I was so tall and beautiful that if I would only dance my height (instead of trying to fit myself to the height of my leaders) I would have the world at my feet because I am a god ("sos Dios"?)

17 Feb. 2010

"Hola Leo, dame un poco de tu fuego" -Oscar, I don't know what it is about me that makes all the middle-aged porteños think I'll respond to the most saccharine and obvious pickup lines they can muster. "La vida es corta" is another

FUCK TANGO IS THE WORST THING EVER FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE IS THIS REALLY WHAT I NEED NOW?

24 Feb. 2010

I wonder if Korea will feel like home when the plane lands. I feel like a raw nerve right now - we're on the highway out of BsAs, I don't know if I'm ready for my sense of reality to shift again so soon. Nelly Furtado "I'm like a bird" just started playing in the taxi, we're at the toll booth. I'll definitely blog about that when I get home.

There's a strong "tow wind" which has "decreased our flight time substantially" - to 8 hours! Originally, flight time was 12 hours between Buenos Aires and Johannesburg, or something like that (though I can't be sure, flight lengths and times have been blending together these days) and I thought: OMG! only 8 hours! what a relief!

Turbulence is a side-effect of the strong tow wind, they've told us. I like the turbulence when it happens, it reminds me that there is a world outside, that we do not exist in isolation in this claustrophobic space. Most of the windows are closed - the window across from me was still open for a while and I could see some sort of horizon through it (though it was dark out, and we've been above cloud-level this whole time - maybe the horizon was the line between our layer of clouds and pure sky?) I liked that horizon, but my window view is gone now. It's light out now, I can see a corner of someone's open window and the real light from it is a relief from the darkness of the cabin, though I'm the asshole who turned on my reading light while most other people are still trying to sleep - I'm sorry! I tried to sleep, really, but I couldn't and the darkness and inactivity was making my head feel too tight, I needed light and OH NO now I can't even write anymore if this pen dies.

[pen didn't die! don't worry <3]

26 Feb. 2010

I've gotten so comfortable in seat 38A, by the window, that I'm dreading leaving it a little, leaving it means I am getting terribly close to Korea, terribly close to having responsibilities again.

re: how was your vacation?

신성민 (Shin Sung-Min) 님이 보낸글 >>

I'm better than my vacation!

I have been having stomach trouble since last tuesday!

So I can't do something during my vacation! :(

I don't know what got into me!

I'm still suffering from stomach trouble! :(

For "stomach trouble" substitute "severe diarrhea." Because I swear by Gaga, when they say stomach trouble, they always mean DIARRHEA. If they don't mean diarrhea, they mean constipation.

#reasonswhyIlovemycoworkers, #reasonswhyIloveKorea

weekly pop music profile #5

Weekly pop music profile is LATE, I know, but forgive me: I poured a huge mug of boiling yuja tea all over myself and my computer last Wednesday, and the keyboard definitely has not forgiven me for it. I'm using an external keyboard and mouse now; on the bright side, at least now I have a keyboard that is labeled with both the Roman and Korean alphabets. (@Sara: thank you SO MUCH for the HUGE-ASS MUG you sent me for Christmas. It's what made all of this possible.)

Big Bang, I would say, is the biggest boy band in Korea right now (bigger than Super Junior, because Super Junior only became popular in 2008, but Big Bang is an established success - they've been around for about 4 years).

G-Dragon is the leader of Big Bang, and he just came out with his own solo album, featuring the single "Heartbreaker." Sony Music is angry at YG Entertainment because the rap sequences of "Heartbreaker" are extremely similar to Flo-Rida's "Right Round," so they've denied YG Entertainment the right to promote "Heartbreaker" any further. It doesn't matter; they don't need to promote it anymore. Everyone's already obsessed with it.

I agree, mostly: the rhythms are extremely similar. I can't decide whether I care or not. Korea definitely doesn't care very much about copyright; I can't decide if that's a good thing or not.

Either way, I'm super into the apple thing. I'm super into the slinky he's wearing around his neck. And if you want to watch the sequel video, "Breathe," know that I'm SUPER INTO that rainbow flower jacket. And the yellow smiley face gloves and the zebra print pants and the leopard print shirt and ahhhhhhhh KOREAN POP FASHION I love you, you're perfect, don't ever change.

메리 크리스마스!

Here is a direct transcription of a text message I received from Mr. Bae, the head computer guy at my office. He has a daughter my age, and sometimes I get the feeling he fancies himself my father figure.

:*:..Merry..:*:
:*Christmas*:
<3(^3^*)<3
....Y...Y....
=(^O^)=
....( ```)~*
HS Bae <3

My co-workers love playing dress-up with me when they take me places. I secretly love succumbing to them.

Wednesday and Thursday this week, we had debates about why Christmas was stupid vs. fun, and I wore a Santa hat all day and gave free cookies to all my students (about 130 cookies, in total, just for my Wednesday and Thursday classes).

The meditation club end-of-year (party? It wasn't really a party, we just meditated like usual) was yesterday, and everyone went around and told the group how this year has been for them. And it was the first time, really, that I've thought about the trajectory of this year; I just haven't grouped events that way before. This year, grouped together, has been really strange. This spring I was still in university, working at HIO, printmaking like my life depended on it. Then graduation happened. Then three months of alternately feeling hopeless and happy: hopeless because I had no job and couldn't find a job despite hundreds of resumes sent out, happy because I had so much free time and could read poetry and bullshit with my friends all the time. Then: suddenly deciding I was going to Korea. One month of working for U-M English Language Institute and feeling crazy and spending hours at the Secretary of State trying to get my documents in order.

Now, Korea. I want to say I've changed a lot since I got here, and I think it would be true to say it, but I don't really know how I've changed. It's just that my sense of reality is so different from what it was in Ann Arbor; maybe the reason this year has been strange is that my sense of reality has changed many times.

I know I've spent a lot of time telling you guys how stressed out I am here, and it's true. I am a consistently anxious person here, which is something that I have never been before. But never think that it means I regret this, because I am so so happy I came here, and so many good things have happened to me here, and I would never take it back.

These days, I am optimistic. These days, I sometimes think I can feel myself turning truly happy here.

Happy Christmas, guys.

YR GONNA LOVE MY FONDANT POO

I accidentally woke up two hours early for work today, and I'm spending the interval watching a show called "love love cake." @bird_esque @twcwar, my fondness for cake-making shows is entirely your fault.

Since I spent almost this entire weekend grunging about in bed, I watched a lot of TV. Top finds include:

1. Anne of Green Gables, dubbed over in Korean. It was at the blue-puffed-sleeves dress/Christmas ball scene when I found it. Hilarity ensued.

2. When I did the celebrities lesson, I found out about a new TV drama (called "Iris") that is all the rage with my students. Saturday, I found it. Starring Lee Byung-Hun, Seoul's current heartthrob.

These days, it's pretty normal for me to watch Korean soap operas while I'm making dinner/pretending to lesson plan/writing my blog in the evening times. And even though I understand almost nothing, I've gotten to the point where I know the characters from all of the most melodramatic shows, and can cruise channels for my favorites. (@bird_esque @twcwar new "smut" addiction?)

Cake-time is over. Pretending-t0-get-ready-for-work-time is now.

I'm definitely watching an infomercial for digital bidets.

And I definitely just saw an animated anus between two animated buttcheeks.

"If You Seek Amy" is the background music.

(Never mind that. The background music just changed to "Jingle Bell Rock." The bidets have red bows on them. Get one for your lover for Christmas!)

I can't stop listening to Super Junior.

Please, no one ever tell South Korea how homoerotic it is, because then it will stop and then I will be sad.

For example, this video. Please note the pumping/thrusting gymnasium action that starts at about 0:35.

For example, this video, too. Obligatory sad heterosexual breakup story & brief appearance of the heartbreaker-woman at beginning, followed by 4 minutes of men giving each other longing looks while singing "it's you" (nuh-rah-ko).

For example, women holding hands with women walking down the street.

For example, my students putting their hands on their friends' shoulders and giving each other massages and running their fingers through their friends' hair. Casually fondling each other in ways that would immediately scream "we're a couple!" in the U.S. They do it most frequently when one of their friends is sick/has a headache. I generally allow the sick students to rest/sleep during class, and their friends will usually sit next to them and casually rub their backs or massage their necks/scalps while participating in class and/or diligently doing the activities I assign.

It's so cute. I love it. I hope no one ever makes these kids feel ashamed for the physical way they express affection for each other.

sometimes Park Mi-Ran terrifies me.

Sometimes, I overhear Park Mi-Ran speaking to the other teachers in Korean, and she makes the noise at 1:15-1:17 in this video (mixed in with her normal Korean speech). And everyone seems to think that it's normal.

Seoul Lantern Festival 2009

This isn't even all of the pictures.

Walk 400 meters, turn right when you see a huge spiral pointing at the sky. No street names here.

Cheonggyecheon at night. <3

FAVORITE.

Anthropomorphic Chinese Zodiac animals, the Year of the Rabbit. (Does the noble pose of this rabbit remind anyone else of Redwall?)

Ssireum (Korean wrestling).

RAWR.

Mythic animals guarding the entrance to the lantern palace.

@twcwar I made sure to include "The Little Penguin" sign, in case you couldn't tell what it was.

It's the solar system, if you can't tell. And a rocket labeled "Korea" being shot into space.

Heartz.

super junior, rly?

First, listen to this. My kids love this song, and sometimes break out into it during class.

Next, watch this. And for fuck's sake, tell me what you think of it.

Happy Chuseok, ppls.

Tomorrow (Saturday) is one of the biggest holidays in Korea - Chuseok, which has been described to me as the Korean Thanksgiving. Though I'm sure the people who have told me so aren't aware of the fucked-up, colonizing, "let's celebrate our wonderful relationship with the natives of North America who we cheated and destroyed in the past and cheat and ignore in the present!" sentiments that Thanksgiving inspires in the American mainstream.

What the two holidays do have in common is that they are harvest holidays, centered around the preparation and eating of huge amounts of traditional foods. For most Koreans, Chuseok also involves traveling to their hometown and decorating their family graves.

My female co-workers seem to be a conflicted jumble of excited expectation of the holiday, and stressed sighs over the "when will you marry?" questions the young&single teachers will face from their family, and over the long and hard work of preparing a large meal for the entire family that the older&married teachers will be expected to do, while men of all ages relax for the entire holiday.

"Chuseok is terrible for women," Park Mi-Ran told me yesterday (Thursday), and I didn't know how to respond.

All of that aside, what this means for me is that I am on a five-day holiday. No school today, Monday, or Tuesday. I'm staying in Seoul, at a bit of a loss as to what to do with myself, and mostly pleased about that fact. I know some people who are traveling during the holiday, but I don't feel ready to travel. I just got here! I need a rest, some processing time (translation: reading time). Today was a funny day. I've spent it vegetating, entirely. Tomorrow, I think I will try to walk the whole distance of Chonggyecheon, maybe do some reading or practice my Korean on the banks. Other goals this weekend include: 1. climb Kwanak-san, the mountain nearest my place, famous for being one of the toughest climbs in Seoul; 2. spend a long time in the Seoul Folk Flea Market; 3. get a bit ahead on my lesson planning; 4. read a damn book.

I haven't written in my journal since I got here. To an extent, I think this is due to lack of processing time (yes, I feel this way even now, long after the suffocating atmosphere of orientation. Things happen to me so fast; I feel the need to back away from it, but often don't feel like I have the time). The processing time I do have is often put towards this blog, which I don't resent, I think. But it is definitely strange; it means that I am working through my emotions and experiences entirely in a public forum, whereas normally I would be doing most of my processing privately in my journal.

First let me apologize for this post's title, which is: "In fair Seoul, where we lay our scene."

Wow, that hurt a little.

One of the third grade students (I don't teach third grade), Han Tae-Gyu (his name almost rhymes with Montague, which I think is why I remember it) snuck up behind me as I was leaving the subway this morning, pointed his fingers at me, and said "Freeze!" - then, was immediately concerned that I hadn't known he was joking.

He's one of my favorites. (Yes, I have favorites, okay?) I don't have class with him, but sometime last week he approached me (again, as we both exited the subway), asked if my name was "Pah-may-l(r)ah, right?" and introduced himself. "So, we are friends now?"

He's very eager, both to learn English and to teach me Korean. Unlike most of my first- and second-graders, he doesn't shut down completely when I misinterpret or fail to understand him, but (with a bit of encouragement) persists until we understand each other. It's. So. Refreshing. Today, he taught me 또바 (ddo-ba), an informal way to say goodbye between friends. It means "I will see you again."

He will graduate high school in February, then go to study at an electronics university in Seoul (this is unusual. Most of my students will not go to college - but Tae-Gyu seems to have a strong desire to learn and do well). Then, he will join the army after college for his mandatory military service. For two years. I'd almost forgotten that Korea has compulsory military service for men, but how lovely to be reminded that my students have yet another element of their lives that has been removed from their control.

Bitter, a little, and unwilling to delve into the multitudes of problems that come along with having a [gender-based] draft. But also remembering that SoKo still has good reason to maintain a strong national defense. 또바.

blogger is an asshat when it comes to uploading videos.

An old video taken during orientation, of the second performance we encountered on the stage halfway up the small mountain. The beginning reminds me of a womb/amniotic sac, which is the main reason I took the video.


This is the drummer lady we watched at the vegetarian temple restaurant. I couldn't figure out how to rotate it back the right way, so you'll have to deal. I love the ostentatious bows on her butt.


They REALLY like "My Heart Will Go On" here. WTF?