There is too much to tell you, how can I say it all?

1. I had an open class with Park Mi-Ran this Wednesday, which means: people watching me teach, all my co-teachers watching me teach, 3-4 other teachers watching me teach, the principal and vice-principal watching me teach, no parents watching me teach (for which I am infinitely grateful). Which means: forcibly inserting myself into Park Mi-Ran's good time, no longer waiting for her to make space for me as a leader of the classroom. Because if I wait for her to hand control over to me, she will take control and then the class will be over and no one will know I was there.

2. These days, my relationship with Park Mi-Ran reminds me of my relationship with my mom before I moved out of the house. She is maybe the most significant person in my life here. She arranges my schedule and protects me from unfair treatment and makes me feel so powerless sometimes. She has so much control over my life, she choreographs my entire life within the school and a significant amount of my extracurricular activities; I want to rail at her and assert my independence. But (instead of the explosive fights I had with my mom) the tension here remains all under the surface. Park Mi-Ran is my immediate boss; she has 30+ years of teaching under her belt. If I create a conflict with her, it would essentially guarantee that virtually the entire staff would be hostile towards me for the remainder of my contract. Irony of ironies: sometimes I feel as trapped here as I did during my days at Grandville High School.

3. I've been eating nothing but clementines for hours.

4. I know that it's December now, but I can't quite make myself believe it. No snow no snow no snow no familiar Christmas tunes no Christmas lights lining the streets. What will I do for my 3-day Christmas vacation? What will I send you for Christmas?

I am guff, how did this happen.

Guff does not come naturally to me, it never has. I am not an outgoing person, I do not like to hang out with people simply for the sake of hanging out with people. I do not share my thoughts with people who are not close to me. And while it's not terribly unusual for me to go out of my way to help a stranger/acquaintance (I like to be useful), if you don't need any help or if I don't feel close to you, there's a good chance that my time and my energy are inaccessible to you.

All of that, no longer. I am guff in Korea, and I am definitely guff at school. I have been from the beginning, it just took me awhile to figure it out. It's a combination of factors, I think. Part of it is that as a native English speaker, as a foreigner, a lot of people want a piece of me. Normally, I wouldn't necessarily take kindly to this, but another part of it is that I have a huge gaping canyon of want in my torso that urges me to learn everything, to experience everything and everyone that I can. (This is strange to me. I will honestly admit that I censor my own experiences sometimes, I withdraw from people or situations that I find uncomfortable. I'm not censoring, here. I'm not withdrawing.)

And a third factor: my thrice-damned desire to help, to be useful. So many of the people (both teachers and students) at my school want to learn English, want to practice English. I can help them, they want me to help them. I can't say no. There are two exceptions: 1) Kim Yeon, the high-faluting teacher who tries to monopolize my time, and whose supercilious attitude towards both the students and the lower-income teachers I absolutely refuse to respect, and 2) more recently, Kang Eun-Shig, a militant Christian who will not cease in his efforts to convince me to attend his church or to teach me "Hallelujah, Jesus is with me" in Korean. He knows I'm not a Christian, he knows (or he should know, at least) that it's inappropriate to put religious pressure on me. And I don't think I'm being insensitive to cultural differences here. Other teachers have gently let me know that they are Christian (opening the door, I take it, if I want to join them). Park Mi-Ran, for example, told me once that she prayed for me on the first day she met me, the day I was so sick and panicky. I don't mind these gentle hints from teachers who are otherwise very much my friends. In a way, it's actually kind of sweet. But everyone knows now that I am not religious, I have gently let them know that too. One of my good teacher-friends is KoHo, who is Buddhist in a flexible sense. I attend meditation club with him every Thursday, which in turn gives me a slight association with Buddhism. Most of the teachers accept this and don't bother me about it. But Kang Eun-Shig is out of line, and I don't know how to fix the situation.

Anyway, that is not what I meant to write about. The point is that except for Kim Yeon and Kang Eun-Shig, I make myself purposely friendly and effusive with anyone who approaches me with a question or a desire to speak English with me for a few minutes. It never matters if I am busy, or behind schedule on preparing for classes, or if there is something I would rather be doing (like Tweeting, listening to Bad Romance on repeat, etc). They are asking for help; I will give it to them. Especially especially especially my students, I love it when the eager students come in to the teachers' office to interrupt me, sometimes to practice whatever it is I taught them in class that week, sometimes to talk about Michael Jackson or Prison Break (@bird_esque they love Prison Break here, too). Sometimes to stare over my shoulder at my computer screen and comment on whatever it is that I am doing at the moment (which is why, friends, I never go on the fb at work).

Yesterday, one of the most eager students (oh so eager) called Kim Yeon seon-saeng-nim (seon-saeng-nim = "teacher," except more honorific, more like "professor") a "New Yorker" because of all the makeup she puts on, making her skin look very, very pale. Personally, I prefer to think of her as a New Yorker for entirely different reasons (@bird_esque).

In conclusion:

눈 = nun ("noon") = eye

빛 = bit ("beat," with force on the "t") = light

Eye color in Korean = 눈빛 = eye light, the light from one's eyes.

물화과 / mul-hwa-gwa / figs

Rotten ones. I bought them for ₩10,000 (about $9) at Nandaemun public market yesterday when I came upon them, even though they were expensive and for no other reason than nostalgia for my London days. I fucking love figs. About 2/3 of the fruit was totally awesome, and the remaining figs had just reached the bad side of overripe.

Figuring prominently in recent news: my struggle to cut the cord with the teacher who is most persistent about her desire to learn English and teach me Korean. It's not that I mind helping the teachers with their English, and I definitely do want their help learning Korean. But this teacher (Kim Yeon) does so in ways that consistently aggravate me and prevent me from doing the work that I am being paid to do. Often, she interrupts me when I am designing lesson plans or having important conversations with the other English teachers. She must have her own work to do, since she teaches too, but you wouldn't know it to see her. She spends a ridiculous amount of time wandering the hallways or teachers' offices doing nothing but randomly interrupting people who can speak English to engage in (usually pointless and insipid) conversation with her.

Two weeks ago, she was quite excited to invite me out to dinner and shopping at Nandaemun market, and at the time I thought it could do no harm - so I agreed. But ever since, I've been regretting it. Up until yesterday, she did nothing but brag to the other teachers about how she was taking me out to dinner. Then yesterday, we went out to dinner/the market. The market was cool, but then she proceeded to run her own menial errands one after another (buying groceries, getting her earrings cleaned, buying a golfing hat, buying lotion and perfume). This was not part of the plan, but since I was relying on her for the ride home, I could do nothing but follow as she dragged me along.

I found the whole ordeal exhausting, and her behavior extremely rude, for the most part. And all day today, she did nothing but brag to the other teachers about how we went out together last night. I have no desire to be rude to this woman in return, but I find that I'm increasingly unwilling to tolerate her constant rude interruptions and wasting of my time. And increasingly, my co-workers (especially the younger generation of teachers) are confiding in me that they consider Kim Yeon rude as well. I don't want to create a conflict, but honestly, it seems like many of the teachers are already in conflict over her behavior, and that my arrival (and her subsequent interest in me) have simply augmented the conflict.

So in other words, the office drama has begun.

Finally, key points to remember for the midterm:

1. I have a fake tattoo of a black cat on my shoulder.
2. Teachers' choir performed today for the school festival. The students were shocked to see me singing Korean.
3. I got my first paycheck today! ...But have extremely limited access to banks, since they don't open until after I get to work but close before I get out. (@Sara&Justin: stand by for news on how I will get the airplane ticket money back to you.)
4. I went to tango lesson on Monday, but discovered that a) Tango O Nada is more expensive than advertised; b) most of the people who come attend as couples; and c) lessons and milongas are entirely in open embrace. I am going to try to find another tango place that suits me better.
5. Lotus flower roots. I ate them.
6. Lotus is 연 (yeon) in Korean, same as Kim Yeon.

Questions will be multiple choice with a small written component.