oh, thank fuck, my students are still there.

I taught my first classes of the new year today. My first period was 1st graders and they were SO QUIET and they just STARED AT ME THE WHOLE TIME, I swear. I introduced myself, then we played a game, and then we took what was supposed to be a mock quiz (I mean, the person who gets the most questions right gets candy, come ON). They acted like the game was a test and took the quiz like their lives depended on it, which is good in a way (it means they were paying attention and will probably study hard), but gosh, I meant for the class to be FUN.

So that was rough, and it got me even more nervous than I had been before about teaching the rest of my classes, but it was all uphill from there. The next class of 1st graders was great, and then I had one period of my beloved 3rd graders, and I really can't emphasize enough how much better they made me feel. I know them, they know me, we are comfortable with each other, and I was truly happy to see their faces. Being in front of a class of 25 3rd graders feels ever so much more like my comfort zone than the 1st graders do. I told them about my vacation, they told me about their vacations, I tricked them into thinking I was a married woman now, and the whole thing couldn't have gone better. Even shy-girl engaged and spoke, I was so happy.

Then my last class of the day was another 1st grade, and they were positively RAMBUNCTIOUS. I couldn't believe that at the beginning of the day I'd been worried about my students being too quiet. One student's English was pretty much limited to "OK" and "I love you," but he would not stop saying those two things over and over whenever given the opportunity. He's going to be one of the "give me candy!" students, I can smell it.

pop music profile #8

Remember G-Dragon, way back from pop music profile #5? A month or so ago, he put on his debut solo concert, and is now facing charges and possible jail time for violating the Youth Protection Act with this scandalous performance at a concert with teenagers (13+) in the crowd.

G-Dragon maintains that the song is about having an innocent dream about your ideal lover and that the performance was not meant to be sexually explicit.

If I was still in BsAs I'd be going to sleep right now,

I guess I'll just blog instead.

When I walked out of the airport it felt like spring in Seoul, but the cold weather (read: 0-8 degrees C most days) is back now, I think that's for the best. For a minute I thought I'd skipped out on the end of winter, and was partly thrilled about it but also a little disappointed. I must have missed the cold weather, maybe I wouldn't do as well in a year-round warm climate location as I've always thought I would.

I spent the weekend getting over the cold I came down with mid-flight between BsAs and Johannesburg, and didn't really enter the world again until just this morning, the first day of the new school year at Seoul Electronics High School (Monday, March 1st was a national holiday - Independence Movement Day). For a long time I was completely calm about my approaching return to teaching, but I became incredibly anxious last night, briefly contemplated dropping everything here, flying to Chicago and spending the rest of my life crashing on Jamie's couch. Apparently I've returned to the pattern of my weekly Sunday night (or night-before-the-new-week-of-work) near-breakdowns. For some reason I thought my time away would change things in some way, I don't know how. But the old anxieties are still there, and I still feel infinitely calmer and happier at my desk at work than I do anywhere else in Seoul (except maybe at the top of a mountain, there isn't anything that makes me laugh the way the peak of a mountain does).

Everything's changed for the new year. Park Mi-Ran no longer sits beside me, and neither does Im Kyung-Hwa (frequently referred to as gossip girl #1). Shin-Jung seems to be stepping into her rightful place as my main co-teacher, and either I'll move desks, or Park Mi-Ran will no longer play as large a role in my life as I've become accustomed to.

I was expecting to be teaching 1st and 2nd grades again, but was told this morning that I'd be teaching 1st and 3rd grades instead. I start teaching Thursday, the new 1st graders were staring out the windows at me as I walked into school this morning and they either mumbled something to me in English or mumbled something to each other in Korean. I smiled and waved and stared back at them, they ducked back inside the window.

For some reason the instant coffee I just drank tasted exactly like I'd just vomited in my mouth, I hope that never happens again.