Yesterday, I found out where I was teaching; today, I am at my new apartment.
My school is Seoul Electronics High School, located in Suocho-gu, south of the Han River that runs through the city. I've been told that my district is sometimes called the Beverly Hills of Seoul, and can hardly wait to find out what the Korean version of rich-bitch New York mothers (@bird_esque) is like.
But even though I'll be living and teaching in a wealthy district, the students who attend the electronics school (a technical high school) are generally those who did not do well in middle school, are from poorer areas of Seoul, and have very low comprehension of English (the richer the area, the more likely that students will have received private English instruction). The gap between the residents and the students will definitely be interesting.
The school is co-ed, but strongly dominated by boys, unsurprisingly. I'll be teaching 18 hours a week to classes of 15-20 students, and I'll also be spending 2 hours a week teaching English to my fellow teachers.
My apartment is about 30 minutes away from the school by subway, but still in the same district. It's small, but no smaller than I expected. I have all the space and facilities I need, and I can't wait to get all my things unpacked to make it feel more homey.
Those are the facts - now for the emotions. I began to get nervous yesterday (Friday), especially when I found out that I would teaching mostly boys, but I've never experienced anything like the nervous breakdown I had when I woke up this morning. I literally could not keep anything down: the smallest sips of water had me running for the bathroom to throw up. I was constantly on the verge of tears from the time I woke until I'd been left to myself in my apartment. Shy Pam coming out and trying to convince me that I can't do this.
I can, though, can't I?
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6 comments:
Pam-mom! Remember when we were all in Ann Arbor and you were like, "Hmm, maybe I'll go to Korea" and the next day you were like, "Let's have a menstruation party because I'm going to Korea tomorrow"? You're a badass. It's probably so weird and scary to suddenly have to be an authority figure for a bunch of high schoolers-- I'd be fucking terrified-- but I know you can handle this. You're strong and smart and awesome, Shy Pam is full of shit, and I have total faith in you. Miss you & love you & <3z.
Girl! I love you so much & I know that you are totally going to kick ass. This is a digital squeeze of Shy Pam's titty which is to say, heartzz girl, you can do this.
Also, I have been reading a lot of poems by this Brazilian poet, Adélia Prado, & I think you would like these lines. They're encouraging, I think:
"Besides, I was not going to die, and I'm still not,/because I'm crazy and escape like the four-o'clocks"
many many heartz & some fartz,
Jaaaaaane
you guys are awesome and I love you and Jane I love that poem too
Wait wait also, do you have an address now that you have an apartment? Does this mean I can send you letters?
In theory, yes. But I regret to inform you that I was feeling too ill and harassed when I arrived to have the presence of mind to ask my co-teachers what my address was. Ah, well. I'll have to ask them on Monday. As soon as I have it, the internetz will know.
Pamela, I too have often found myself overwhelmed. This is a bit cheesy (because I just heard it in a movie we watched), but I have often heard these lines and I think they definitely apply:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are an extremely capable, gifted, and passionate person. If you continue to trust yourself and give it your best, you will excel! Fear not, you will do great! -Justin
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