Man, this is how it always happens.
I become sure of something without telling anyone about it, and then as soon as I let it out I start to question myself and my decisions.
Having told you all I'm thinking seriously about renewing my contract here, I am now questioning whether that's what I want to do at all, even a little bit. Haven't I felt inadequate and insecure the whole time I've been here? Haven't I been a more anxious person for the past 4 months than I've ever been before? Do I really want to sign up for another year of that? Can I even handle it?
Maybe it's just that I'm tired lately. I really need/want a vacation, I can't wait to leave for BsAs and not think about teaching for a whole month. (@warmandbarky let's never talk about teaching, ok? I mean, let's maybe talk about it just once, but then let's talk only about poems, ok?)
So I guess what I'm saying is: I've lost all of my motivation lately, all of it. I don't have the energy to study Korean, or to study the teaching methodology textbooks I borrowed from Park Mi-Ran just after Christmas, or to lesson plan, or to teach, really. And FUCK, if I don't have the energy to teach, then WHAT AM I EVEN DOING.
I'm also saying that I'm really hoping I get my motivation back after having a break. I really liked it when I was in love with learning Korean and teaching my students and never wanted to stop. I mean, I always hated lesson planning, but that's normal, I think, no one likes lesson planning. I just want to go back to when I didn't dread going to classes.
One more week of winter camp, then a week of no-classes, then a week of goof-off classes and graduation. Then 35 hours on 3 planes and flying around half of the world to get to @warmandbarky. I CAN'T WAIT, I THINK ABOUT SEOUL --> HONG KONG --> JOHANNESBURG --> BSAS ALL THE TIME.
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I CAN'T WAIT EITHER! OH MY GOD WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN AND TANGO ALL THE TIME AND DRINK SO MUCH WINE BECAUSE IT'S CHEAP and because I'm probably going to drink the rest of the gin right now. OH AND TALK ABOUT POEMS. In English I only have Alice Notley and that semi-random book I read from at the readaround but we can talk about our memories of poems and we can talk about poems that are available on the Internet.
(I think one of the superior features of Blogger to Wordpress is the fact that the "labels" are in ALL CAPS.)
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